Too Much To Ask For

I can never really get my parents sometimes. You know, i ask for very little expensive things. I know that the thing I want costs $1000 +. But you know, I don't ask for them too many times. Count myself unlucky. I can never get something expensive in my life. I remember when I was younger, I wanted a barbie doll house that cost around $399. But I couldn't get it. I got that it was expensive. But then, I saw a doll that cost $39.90. I wanted it. Never got it. It seems like this thing has gone from since I was young. I seem to always ask for too much??? Am I? I am contented with pretty much anything on a daily basis. But, sometimes I just want something that I could really call mine and know that it wasn't something passed down. All my PC and laptops are all passed down to me. So am I asking for too much still???

I really don't understand. You know, I can think of the things in the past that I wanted and never got and it somehow brings me to tears. It's hard to type when my eyes are clogged up with tears mixed with my make-up. But anyway. I just want to let someone know that it's not often that I get things that I can truly call mine from the beginning. I want them to just at least one time spend on me something that's not from a sale. Something that will belong to me with me paying back. Time and time again, I ask myself am I worth it. Or am I just something that must be a bargain. I can never be something expensive can I? Am I worth very little? Sometimes I do feel guilty wanting something that costs $1900+. But do they feel guilty that I try to meet to their expectations... And somehow sort of do??? Do they take down all these???

Why they can't get me these things??? I mean, I got them what they wanted right??? Me to pass my exams???? Sigh.......... Everything cents seem to matter for me... But for them.... Oh! I don't mind spending my money on a watch that costs a few hundreds....