Joashelle Faith

This Is It

2009-11-25T23:09:00.004+08:00

The END of this Blog.

Re/Link me at
http://joashellefaith.livejournal.com/

Dear Blog ### Updates

2009-11-25T09:08:00.002+08:00

Oops! Sorry for not updating. Well, I have been very tired and just lazy to update. I guess 'Dear Blog' should end. I mean, it's nice, but I can't update on a daily basis. Oh well!

So far I am invovled in my church musical and school musical. It's not as hectic as I thought it would be, but clearly very tiring. But I have to work hard on getting out of my shell. Also, I have tried starting my videos again. So yeah.

So DEAR BLOG end here I guess....

Dear Blog #51

2009-11-15T23:13:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I skipped church today. Mommy kept waking me up. But I told her I was sleeping it over. Totally my day to only rest. But I realised it'd be my 3rd week for skipping church and 2nd for invalid reasons. Thankfully, there's no detention..... Or is there. But next week, I'll need to go. Cos we might be doing to songs, just for a sneak peak. Also, this Saturday, I might not be going for choir cos of the fund raising. So just keeping everything lose. All I know is weekdays are booked for empty schedule and school workshop.

Collect my CPU today. I finally can play SIMS 3. Although my lappy is dead. But I am still happy! Playing SIMS 3 is super amazing!!!!! Well, I got to go. I still have a day ahead of me tomorrow!

Dear Blog #50

2009-11-15T23:05:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

Woke up late today. Went with daddy to Sim Lim Square to get my CPU done. The lady said I might as well get a new CPU. So did. Collecting it tomorrow. After that, daddy, grandma and I went for lunch and then we sent grandma home. Instead of going home, daddy and I went to pick mommy up. Then they sent me to church. I was very early though. Haha. Practise was good. Hopefully I get better with my solo. Although it's just a verse.

Got home around 8.30pm. Quite tired from today. I think I'll skip church. What slacker I am! Haha. OH! BTW! My lappy is dead! It was some good memories for that short period of time. Hopefully, mommy gets me that Viao VGN-CS33. Well, portabilty is important to me. Well. Yeah! That's all folks!

Dear Blog #49

2009-11-15T22:58:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

Thankfully, there's no cell tonight, cos I am exhausted. I had to be in school for the workshop for the fund raiser. Mr Tay bought us lunch. Thanks Mr Tay. I had SHINE rehearsal at 1.30, but was late cos we were released at 2.30pm. I miss the singing. :(

Anyway, we have abusy 2010 and a horrible December. I never had a busy December. EVER! Well, I still will be going back to school in the weeks to come. So yeah.

Anyway. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep. :)

Dear Blog #48

2009-11-15T22:06:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I didn't do much today. My laptop is giving me hell. I don't know whether that's a blessing or what. But anyway, I'm bringing my CPU for fixing this Sat. Happy? Yes! Why? Well, I can SIMS 3!!!!

Anyway. My day was broing. So yeah. I'm behind my Malay Project by a week and 4 days. Been so busy with the fund raiser thing and SHINE workshop and church choir. I'm not complainign or anything, just find myself very tired.

Well. Goodnight.

It's Who You Are

2009-11-12T14:53:00.003+08:00

You can change the way you look.
You can waer branded clothes.
But if you're mean and vain.
Nothing would've change, you're still the same.

Original By Joashelle Faith

Dear Blog #46

2009-11-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog

I had a rushed morning. Met with Team B people. Not all were there. Did pretty much nothing, so decided to walk around with Ayu, YunJie and XinYi at Hougang Mall. Then went back to Mac. Waited for XinYi to eat her lunch and she followed me to Outram for my dental then we went to Vivio.

It was fun looking at the pets there. The hamsters reminded me of my very own and the dogs were so cute. Specially the standard poodle. Aw. Super duper cute!!! Went home around 3 pm. When I was on the bus 156, I fell asleep and missed two stops. So I took another bus and walked home. Was so tired. Argh! My teeth are aching now.

Well that's all then.

Message fro the sunset: Still not getting over you.

Dear Blog #45

2009-11-09T23:54:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I had an early day today. Well, I slept at around 2 + and woke around 7 am. I was still very sleepy. Got ready and stuff and went to school. Reached school at around 8 am. We finshed around 11 +. Dad picked me up and we went for lunch. Reached home around 1.30 pm. Watched TV and napped for 30 minutes then went to school. I was quite early, but walked around in school then saw a few them outside the music room. Made my way up and then we had rehearsals. It was rather fruitful. We finished around 5.30 as usual. Walked with Sam to the bus stop. She's just funny sweet girl. Haha. Super cute junior I tell you.

Well admired the Sony Ericsson C905 and W380i.

Meeting up with TEAM B tomorrow. Then going for dental. I think I'm sticking to black or maybe I might change to grey. Or any dark colours. Well. I got to go.

Message from the sunset : Loving is never about just feeling. It's about knowing and realizing.

Dear Blog#44

2009-11-08T23:31:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I managed to have a bit of rest last night. I didn't go to church today because I was too tired. Although one should always seek the kingdom of God first, I was just too tired to even wake up early.

I went out with my parents today. We went to SRC for lunch and Raffles City to shop. I got two pairs of Dorothy Perkins Jeans. OMG! DOROTHY PERKINS JEANS! Then tried convincing my parents to get my the Viao notebook. I guess I'll have to wait till my current laptop gets all crappy and just crashes. After City Hall, we went to Compass Point to buy my school shoes.

I still have to go back to school tomorrow. I'm rushing on my catalouge. Anyway, I still have a long day tomorrow. Byes!

Fill this Form Dear Friends

2009-11-08T18:28:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone! Please fill this form up.
Here's the link:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dEhBbzlQTHk2WEFIMzB6TURWSi16TkE6MA

Dear Blog #43

2009-11-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog

I think today was one of the UNLUCKIEST day of my life besides from the day I was born... Let me see. It started out.....

I woke up at 9 am unprepared for today's activity. I started work the minute I was up. Finished around 9.45 am. Went to shower then changed. Took me around 10 minutes to change and stuff. Then went to print sme labels. Rushed off to Compass Point at around 10.40 am. Met XinYi and JiaZheng around 11 am. OMG! That's not the worst part. I went to the photo shop to go and print the photos. But then it only showed one picture. So I had to rush back home. Thankfully to dear besties she didn't mind. But Jia Zheng went back home. I can't really blame him. He's the only guy. But I didn't want to waste his transport fare so... Let him go home. Haha. Hey! At least he did bother turning up. Printed the picture at home then mom and dad gave us a ride to Orchard. Walked with bestie to Lucky Plaza for lunch at Mac. Hehe.

After lunch made our way towards Takashimaya. Bestie needed to go to the toilet so went with her. When I was using the toilet, I left my phone on the tissue dispenser in the cubicle. Went out of Taka Mall not noticing my phone was missing. When I realised, I went back to the toilet but couldn't find it. Tried calling it, rang but someone rejected it. Used my bestie's phone to SMS the finder. Tried calling again, but then this time it was off already. That bitch better run for her life. Cos she is gonna die if find her. I'll pull her hair bald and punch her sore I tell you! I mean, if you can afford to shop at Taka, why wouldn't you want to return my phone. That's stealing from a 14 year old. Hello!!!!

Went for choir and bestie went back home. I reached church around 5.15 pm. I wasn't too late... Learned the last song for the whole soundtrack of the whole musical. After practise rehearsed my solo for 5 minutes. My throat was rather sore today and I have been feeling rather exhausted physically. Mentally my brain keeps working and that's how I can manage to wake up early.

I am behind my Malay project by 6 days now.

Message from the sunset: I loved you yesterday, I love you today, I'll love you tomorrow, I loved you last week, I'll love you next week.... I loved you last month, Hopefully, I'll still love you next month.

Happy 15th Birthday Ryan!

May all your wishes come true!

And may you be blessed on your 15th year in this world.

Too Much To Ask For

2009-11-07T22:32:00.002+08:00

I can never really get my parents sometimes. You know, i ask for very little expensive things. I know that the thing I want costs $1000 +. But you know, I don't ask for them too many times. Count myself unlucky. I can never get something expensive in my life. I remember when I was younger, I wanted a barbie doll house that cost around $399. But I couldn't get it. I got that it was expensive. But then, I saw a doll that cost $39.90. I wanted it. Never got it. It seems like this thing has gone from since I was young. I seem to always ask for too much??? Am I? I am contented with pretty much anything on a daily basis. But, sometimes I just want something that I could really call mine and know that it wasn't something passed down. All my PC and laptops are all passed down to me. So am I asking for too much still???

I really don't understand. You know, I can think of the things in the past that I wanted and never got and it somehow brings me to tears. It's hard to type when my eyes are clogged up with tears mixed with my make-up. But anyway. I just want to let someone know that it's not often that I get things that I can truly call mine from the beginning. I want them to just at least one time spend on me something that's not from a sale. Something that will belong to me with me paying back. Time and time again, I ask myself am I worth it. Or am I just something that must be a bargain. I can never be something expensive can I? Am I worth very little? Sometimes I do feel guilty wanting something that costs $1900+. But do they feel guilty that I try to meet to their expectations... And somehow sort of do??? Do they take down all these???

Why they can't get me these things??? I mean, I got them what they wanted right??? Me to pass my exams???? Sigh.......... Everything cents seem to matter for me... But for them.... Oh! I don't mind spending my money on a watch that costs a few hundreds....

Dear Blog #42

2009-11-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog

I am exhausted. I just came back from cell. Today was the most tiring day. Had Hot Pursuit at Suntec City/Marina Square. It was tiring!!!! Then had lunch with ______,______,_______ and _______. Rushed back to school with HuiTing and Cheryl. Then went for my SHINE workshop. After that rushed home. Then rushed to cell. Now I'm trying to do my research for picture for swarovski crystal jewellery and phone charms.

I am so busy. I just want to sleep in and stay home tomorrow. Argh! That's all for tonight.

Dear Blog #41

2009-11-05T23:26:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I am so tired. I just want to jump into bed right now! As you can see from my last post, I slept around 2.45 am... I woke up around 9.00 am Got ready and stuff at around 10 am. Left the house around 10.45 am. Met Danial at Compass Point. Then XinYi came, then the SUPER late Jia Zheng came.... Brought my lappy so we could do our survey thingy... Then had lunch with them. Then, disperesed home. Haha. Coincidenlty, when I got off the bus at my stop, I saw Jia Zheng in the bus behind. Haha. LOL.

Tomorrow another busy day. I feel really beaten by my activities this week. I can't wait for the weekend to sleep in. Also, mom is off on the weekend, so hopefully can go shopping.... ? Heehee. Okay. I am behind Malay prject 4 days! But thankfully for my 'Dear Blog' segment here, I can keep track of what I did for the past 3 days and today. :)
Alright. That's all for tonight.

Messgae from the sunset : By the day, my love increases. By the day, my time decreases.

Crush

2009-11-05T02:26:00.003+08:00

I know this feeling.
I have felt it before.
This thing is lingering.
There's nothing that felt so sore.

From all the tears I have I cried.
My eyes are red and dried.
My heart continues to ache.
My heart continues to break.

Cos I know this feeling never was real.
It was just my mind and heart making a deal.
I spent so many nights obsessing.
I spent so much time stressing.
On the meaningless.

You were just crush.
A crush that crushed.
I have fallen head over heels.
And there's nothing that could reel me back onto my own two feet.

You were just a fantasy.
That just seemed so amazing.
You were just a dream.
A dream I'd always slip into.
You were just a song of hurt.
From the tune of love.

Dear Blog #40

2009-11-04T23:58:00.005+08:00

Dear Blog

I have been so busy and tired lately. I like the busy thing. But not the tired thing. Stupid Danial called me and precisely 5:16 am interupting my sleep! I slept at around 1 + and was dreaming about something nice. I woke up to Linkin Park's Numb. Okay. That's my ring tone! So yeah! When I saw my caller ID, I had to clear my throat before I picked it up. Went back to sleep after that call. And woke up at around 8:30 am. Showered and tidied the house and my room a little.

My group members came around 11, except for one, who came at 11.30+ . We designed and made our pieces. Really good in my opinion unisex collection haha. Got some suggestions from my dad... But pretty good points he made though. We had Canadian Pizza for lunch. Daddy paid for it :) Then continued and watched some video that Jia Zheng searched on YouTube. Some movie or show or something that is suppose to be thriller and suspense... I honestly didn't find any thrill or suspense to it. Some zombie stuff . -.-! Played guitar.... Wrapped up everything and left with Xin Yi and Danial to Compass Point, Jia Zheng so good, went home. Haha.

We reached there around 4:30 pm. We went to Comics Connection to help Xin Yi find her comic.... Then went to Best Denki to check the laptops and cameras... Oh! They're so nice...... Then, we went to TimeZone to play around. Played BBall, 1st time; 4 points and a bump on my nose bridge.... 2nd time [ against Danial ] : 20[mine] - 10[Danial's]... 3rd time[solo again] : 22 points. Played ice hockey on the table with XinYi and played the race car thingy. I'm totally a bad driver. Haha. I will never speed on the road if I ever start driving. Heehee.

Well that's all for tonight. I'm behind my Malay project by 3 days and I'm meeting up with the group tomorrow at Seng Kang again.... Probably bringing my laptop with me. Alright then....

Message from the sunset : Je'Taime mon ami, adieu mon amour. [ Translation by Google.]

Electronic Geek-o Wishlist

2009-11-04T21:51:00.010+08:00

So I have said in my previous posts about how I wanted a MacBook. But I'm behind that. Although it would be nice to have that awesome laptop. I have found something nicer and slightly cheaper and also... Maybe a key to get a cam also. Heehee. I have calculated how much it would cost to get the laptop + laptop casing+ ~~optical mouse~~ + camera + camera pouch = S$~~1985~~1906. In under S$2000, I could get 5 4 stuff at that price. That's just awesome! Hopefully mom does sponsor me that S$2k. Although maybe that's a lot! But hey, at least it's not like MBP right...... So yeah :). Pray for me please!!!

Dear Blog #39

2009-11-03T23:00:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

Well. I had a very boring-interesting day. Haha. Always contradicting myself.
I went to school this morning for a workshop conducted my by Miss Lie on jewellery making with crystal beads and stuff. It's interesting, but very hard. There is that precision that must be achieved. But truly had a fun time. We were there from 8 am till around 2 pm straight. When we were to go and take our materials that we would be needing, Jia Zheng took almost everything he could find... It was too damn funny to even help out. He was honestly just randomly taking things that caught his eyes. Haha.

When I got home, mom and dad were out. I was so hungry, but mom called me to ask me if I have eaten, because I was rushing for school, I didn't even have breakfast. So I was hungry as hell. Waited for mom to come back. She came home pass 3 and I had my lunch. Watched with mom Growing Up. I really love the show!!! OMG!!! Massed message my group for tomorrow. Sigh! Cannot meet at the library cos we'll be dealing with beads and stuff so it would be too messy and we'll be too noisy.

I have been busy checking the Internet for prices of laptops... I have been looking at the Toshiba Satellite L510/M300/M500 and the Acer Aspire 5920G/5720. But don't if mom has enough to pay or not. I don't want it to be on my conscience that I was very spoilt I had bleed my mom for money. You know... So yeah!

I still havent started on my Malay project yet. I have no idea how to start... Zoinks! Anyway. I think that's all for now... TTFN[Tata For Now]

Message From the sunset: Although I havent heard from you for quite a while now. You still make me head over heels...

Dear Blog #38

2009-11-02T23:39:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I had a boring morning. I woke up around 10 am. Lazed around and had my breakfast. Tried convincing my parent to get me MacBook Pro. They were reluctant. I was pissed and never cooled down. It takes me very long to actually cool down. But very easy to get me pissed. So I showed a whole lot of bitchyness, dad got pissed and said that he feels like crap when I do that ignorant-rude thing I do. I mean can you help it if you get me pissed? No right!

I left home to go to school around 2.45 pm. Reached there around 3. Saw a few of them already there. Hehe. Activities today were quite throat aching. We worked a lot of our voice to warm it up. Samantha joined us today. Haha. Coincidently she was talking about Ris Low. And I was coincidently in my House tee which is Scorpion which is red. LOL.

Got home at around 6 pm. Mom was working night shift and dad was out. So I spent my evening surfing the net and searching for Acer laps and Toshiba. I favored a lot of the Acer Asipire. But their colours are really boring. But they're okay. Black in colour. Also searched Toshiba. I had 3 in mind. But I don't know thier prices. Probably asking mom to go with me to Compass Point or Hougang Mall tomorrow afternoon to go check it out. But my biggest fear is daddy being bitchy and all that.

That's the end of my day. I still have to go to school tomorrow morning at 7.30. So I need to go to sleep!

Don't Tell Me - Avril Lavgine

2009-11-02T22:45:00.002+08:00

My dad is now showing some attitude trying to make me feel all like shit because I got my rebelious on. Honestly! It takes too much to actually make me feel bad. A person like me who is rather introverted don't really care.

Believe or not, I am very caring, but yet very cold hearted and ignorant. I am contradicting. So trying to make me feel bad will take a long time. Anyway, although I am not pass 13"MBP I have started searching for other laptops. One of them is Acer... Then, I'm gonna check Toshiba and Viao also.

Money Talks A Different Language

2009-11-02T11:25:00.004+08:00

I tried to convince my parents about getting me the 13 inch MacBook Pro. But they are still very reluctant. Sometimes I wonder whether they know the things that I want that might benefit me some way or another. I mean, instead of just expecting me to state why I need it, which I can't really state... Why not do their research and say that it's not worth.

I know the 13" MBP is very expensive. I calculated it with the accessories I wanted, it would come to around S$2547. I wouldn't want to buy it myself with such a price like that. But it's what it has to offer that makes it worth it. A laptop that would actually cater to my needs and wants. Before I determine myself to want something, I do my research. I don't just blindly say " Oh! I want that! "

I have proved myself to them that I am worth getting something expensive. But I am still not apparently. I know maybe my Math and Science aren't as pleasing as my English and Computer Application, but I still passed. And I passed my Malay! So why am I not worth spending S$2600???

I want to make use of my so-called 'talent' during this holidays. I want to start my videos again. My parents are so unreasonable. They might sound reasonable by how they say it. But they don't show any alibis that they have done their research and say it's not worth it. This is crazy!

When I wanted my Sims 3.... I payed back how much I owed. So don't say I am spoilt and that I get what I want. Cos even if I do. There is a bit of work done to get it. But I am offering my grades to show that I did keep a promise that I never really agreed to , to prove to them that 'hey! I do put effort in my studies!'

When in comes to my grades it seems like I'm a total failure. But when it comes to thing you need help from me, I am the genius in the family. I am not like my classmates who ask their parents for money and go shopping every time. The good thing about me is... I am very reserved to myself. I just love having "ME-Time". Yes! I do have wants. But I don't expect. But certain things they can try and consider it you know. But they don't. Straight down they reject.

When it comes to money they don't mind the branded clothes, shoes, perfume, watches. I just want a bloody laptop! If they sold their Bvalgari belts, Jimmy Choo shoes, they might be able to get the laptop which I will use every time. Unlike their stored away shoes that is only worn on occasions. I feel so frustrated. But I am not allowed to show my attitude to them. What kind of fucked up logic is that! I have every right to. I have stated the reasons why it's worth. By saying it's too expensive is not an excuse. Cos there is not supporting answer.

* the words in red are their excuse/negative stuff. the purple words are my reasons/ alibis

Dear Blog #37

2009-11-01T23:01:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

It's NOVEMBER! YAY!
I didn't go to church today because I had bad stomach ache... Was puking and stuff. Like food poisoning... Coincident that yesterday I said I was lazy to go to church. Haha. Maybe God just wanted me to rest... Haha.

Spent the morning lying on the mattress in living room watching Tyler Perry's : Why Did I get Married. The movie was nice. Sent mommy to work then went to dad's friend's house. Really nice place by the way.

Got home, MySpaced and Facebooked. Then had dinner... Back into my computer again. Somehow getting in contact with Primary school best friends again. Chats with them are nostalgic. I remember things we did and spoke of. Oh! The memories....

Well, I had a boring day. I am tired and going to bed. Goodnight.

Message from the sunset : Not a moment don't I think about you. Just to let you know. I'm counting down on the days.

Dear Blog #47

2009-11-01T22:18:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog

I went out with bestie today. We went for lunch at Mac in Rivervale mall and then we went to Daiso. I bought a handphone casing cos I don't want to lose my passed-down HTC Touch Cruise. Heehee.

Went home and watched Growing Up. Seems like forver since I last watched. Anyway. My day was boring. So yeah.

Calendar

2009-11-01T00:37:00.004+08:00

As I read through a friend's blog, it has inspired me to actually try it too. Not being a copycat. Just wanting to do my best.

So I have a very occupied month. I'll actually start my list of things I want for 2010. And those that I can start preparing or start doing, I'll try and do it these two months.

Here's the list :

Get a better physically. Probably start going for jogs in the morning/evening. And start working on upper-body strength for pull-ups.
Get better in Maths and Malay. [ I can't even believe I am saying this. Probably my exam results for Malay has determined me to try harder. ]
Be more organised. Like be more planny....
Read more books.
Be more confident.
Lose weight.
Go for my first facial spa :)
Second piercing and two on the top of my ears. Ashlee inspired. [ Although I am scared of needles!!!! '~' ]
Go for a scrub.
Go for a haircut. I want to have a more layered hair like LiLo in the movie Georgia something.....
Get new set of wardrobe. Trying to get minimal clothes....
Be a Mac user.
Be on retainers soon....
Get 85% for English.
Get 75% for Maths and Science.
Get 92% for CPA
Get 80% for EBS
Get 70% for Malay.

Yes! I have set my standards. But of course I trust God to guide me and just bless me with endurance, patience, and His wisdom. Through my prayers I do feel whole and safe and find peace.

My only advise to everyone is no matter what your religion is, there is that God. You just have to trust him. May you be Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist or Christian/Catholic, just commit yourself to God. I believe in God. But I believe, we may be divided into different beliefs, but there's always one God. I am not saying other religions are wrong or what so ever. Please don't misinterpret. What I am saying. We just name them differently. Like money. We have different currencies. In Singapore it's SGD, it Malaysia it's RM in Philippines it's Peso. So it's like that. But it's still money.

So yeah!

Dear Blog # 36

2009-10-31T23:08:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog

So, my usual lazy Saturday. Woke up around 8.30 then went back to sleep. Woke up around 10. Showered and stuff and went with daddy to pick grandma and buy lunch. Went home had lunch with mom, dad, grandma. Played guitar, then got ready to leave for choir. Reached slightly early. Went to Changi Village to take 109 back cos it was raining heavily and there was thunder and lightning. Took around a very cold 1 hour bus ride back. I had to dash across the road under the rain. Then, felt this weird pain on the bone of right foot. I hope it's not broken or anything. But cos I try to do tip-toes very often that I may actually damage my bone. Got home, had dinner, played guitar, argued and debated with daddy. Well, I was actually wondering if he could get me a new laptop. But he said no. Honestly there ar two desktops and two laptops at home. As I have posted not too long ago, my laptop is old. So yeah!

I feel very lazy to go to church tomorrow. I just want to sleep in. But I'd be feeling guilty if I didn't go and praise and worship God and miss church. I'll see if I am up for it. Only God will determine it. Haha.

Well. Another day. Seems like I miss him tons. I know it's weird. Cos I am not even in a relationship with him. Right! But I do honestly miss him. Just hearing his nonsense seems to be like the highlight of the day. [ In a good way of course ]
I guess he'll only be "the guy that I had a crush on". That's it. Nothing more than that. I either wished I was pretty or took more of the Spanish side of my family. Somehow. But I am not. And I don't. I have so much insecurities and regrets.

Hopefully this will be an inspiration to write a song and officially call it my own.

Ending this post with a
Message from the sunset:

I just want better things in life although I do get a lot of things. But sometimes this things are more important than the other.
I Miss You. I Wish You Knew Me. I Love You. Goodbye.

Money Money Money

2009-10-31T21:56:00.002+08:00

I really need find a job. Or something. I have expenses. And I don't want to depend on my parents for it. Unless I do chores or something. I want to get a new laptop. Most probably, Acer Aspire or MacBook. My laptop is giving me hell. Especially the sound part. Is super lagging and it's irritating. Although it's not its fault for being so slow and old, I still kind of vent my anger upon it. :( I do feel guilty just venting my frustrations on my laptop when he starts lagging and stuff. It's not that I want to let my laptop go, but I need it to go. Cos it's slow. The tech world is evolving so fast that ever few months new things come up. But I'm very loyal to all my gizmos. No matter how shitty it looks. Unless it completely fails on me. Or is going to fail. :( ): :(
): :( ):

No Ordinary Saturday

2009-10-31T14:10:00.002+08:00

Knowing that it's the hols already on Monday. This Saturday feels meaningless. Well, I'll be having my hols right! So. Weekends are just another day. I am stuck at home bored. I'm doing pretty much nothing. Playing my guitar. I will honestly miss school. I just like being occupied. Feeling that busyness just keeps me going. But now, although I still have things going on and my calendar is packed, I don't feel busy. Well probably because they're just events. I don't do events. I want to be busy!!! But I don't want to make things clash.

Usually I look forward to my weekends. But I am not. I want to a lot of things. Maybe make videos or something. Hmm... I should then.

Dear Blog # 35

2009-10-31T00:37:00.003+08:00

[Dated for 30 Oct 2009 ]
Dear Blog

Well. Last day of school. Although I said I don't want to live life with any regrets, I do feel like I am. I have left this year's school term regretting about a boy. Never ever thought I'd be repeating history all over again!

Well, I just came back from cell around 12.30 am. I'm quite tired, but I think I'll survive. Somehow this two lessons seem to be very relevant to my life in a way. Today's topic was about New Ambitions. To be honest, my ambitions are rather fickle. As a teenager, I am still quite indecisive. But I know one thing I always wanted was to be a journalist. But if something more stable it would be living life with no regrets at all.

I received my report book today. I must say, it isn't as good as my exam results. But still thank God! No credit goes to me cos it's all God's work. But I do feel that my teacher's comment on my report book make me sound like those politicians or lawyers who are naive and demands justice. Haha.

Although my holidays begins next week, I am far from having one. I have to go back to school on Monday at 3.00 pm for my SHINE workshop. Then Tuesday, I need to go back to school in the morning for a workshop how to make those crystal beaded jewels. Then Wednesday and Thursdays, I'll need to meet up with my group. I sent out a mass message informing them that we'll need to meet up and discuss about the fund raiser thingy and the big dilemma right now is where to have the meeting. I am seriously fine with them coming to my house, but will they? Anyway, I need to get 100% reply from all of them. I only got 90%.

Ending this post with a
Message from the sunset: Have a great holiday. Do find the right Juliet.

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY YONG SHENG!

Have a blessed year. May all your wishes come true.

Dear Blog # 34

2009-10-29T21:55:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

Last day of school is tomorrow. Although I will still be going back to school in the weeks to come. I will miss classes. I don't know whether I enjoyed them, but I just like the feeling of being busy. They keep me going.

During my November holidays, I'll be super busy. Besides SHINE workshop, and the church choir and musical, a few of my classmates and I are were assigned to be ICs for the fund raising. So we have to go back to school several times before the actual event itself. Then, next Friday will be the busiest, because I have to attend this event in the morning at Suntec City till 1 pm. Then back at school around 2 pm for checking our products, then for me, SHINE workshop. Then cell.

Well, I must agree, I am nervous about my report book. Well cos, my results this year was a bit like SHITT! But I am putting everything into God's hands.

Well. I have been feeling horrible lately. The doubt is coming back. Well, it never really left. But I guess it's popping up again. I seriously sound utterly redundant. I am forever talking about him! I am feeling sad closing the year knowing I won't be seeing him. Well. I will continue praying for him that he has better days and stuff.

Closing this post with a
Message from the sun set : I officially will say I love you.

That's all for tonight. :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!

Love Rant

2009-10-29T21:33:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is the last day of school. I'd like to officially say that I love you.

I know you don't feel the same way. And I know you like someone else. I hope that she knows she's lucky to have you.

I said I didn't want to have any regrets. But I know this is my biggest regret. To let you know I love you. But holding it back was such a difficult thing to do.

I'll miss those conversations with you. I'll miss hearing you ranting about how things are screwed up.

I do wish you'd feel the same way. Maybe God just doesn't want to interfere with the affairs of the heart.

Thank you. I'll miss you. I love you. Goodbye.

The Sun Sets Here

2009-10-29T21:17:00.004+08:00

I hope you know that my feelings for you are strong. Don't let your girl slip away. Always remember to to appreciate her.

I am saying this cos I'm saying goodbye. This may hurt me. But I hope to know that you're making someone else happy.

This feeling hasn't gone yet. But I'm trying to let it go.

Final words from me : You're perfect the way you are even with your imperfections. May who ever you love be yours.

Dear Blog #33

2009-10-28T23:16:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog

I am 2 days away before school closes. I don't want to have any regrets. But I am feeling I do.

Well. I woke up late today. I woke up at 6.15 am. I was rather hesitant to wake up. Day started out alright and slow. Had CPA. Interesting lesson. Found the errors in my English Paper 1. I wouldn't say it was great. But I am contented with every little things life has to offer me.

I was looking online for a child care nearby to work. I sent my an enquiry email to the child care. Hopefully I do get it. I just need the cash you know.I need my expenses and stuff. So yeah! 2 more days and it's the hols. Although I still have to go back to school for my workshop, it doesn't really bother me.

Closing this post with a few messages.

Message from JoashelleFaith :Thank You YunJie for the song dedication. You are so super amazing. Thoughtful and caring. Love you much babe!

Message from the sunset : I only wish you felt the same way. Good luck to winning her heart.

It's An Angel I Seek

2009-10-28T18:40:00.002+08:00

I want my prayers to be answered. I don't want to have any regrets leaving this year. But miracles are not happening for me. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT.

I ONLY ask for one thing. And one thing only! I really need a miracle. I seek for an angel right now. Really!!!

I'm losing everything. I'm changing. Changing to I-Don't-Know-What. I honestly need some guidance from God. I need an angel to be here with me right now....

Everytime - Britney Spear

2009-10-28T15:59:00.002+08:00

Although this song seems rather distant from my life. I still can find some connection with it. They are highlighted as you can see.

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

Without You

2009-10-28T14:19:00.002+08:00

I find it really a sad to end the school year knowing that I have this feeling. It is utterly very redundant. Repeating myself several times in various ways.

I am emotional and moody.

This part of the song really is very relevant right now

"Undiscovere" Ashlee Simpson

'Cuz i cant fake and I cant hate
But it's my heart
Thats about to break
You're all i need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you, theres no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
Without you, im without
I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out
I reach out
Don't walk away'

I just could listen to this song over and over again. I have this feeling he likes someone else... But I am no right to be all jealous cos he is nothing to me. Or vise versa.
Well. I just needed to blog about it.

Well. He looks nice with his haircut though.. Whether he think it looks like shit or what. But he looks good with it...

Dear Blog # 32

2009-10-27T22:38:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

3 days before school ends. Am I happy? Don't know.

Anyway, I had a pleasant day. We had some hairdressing course where I had a small cut on my fourth-right-hand finger. It didn't hurt that much. Just bled a lot. The cut was quite long. Now it's kind of painful.

I continue to give prep talk to my friends. Oh! Life is so full of shitt isn't it. I'll be super busy when I get my script for next year's school musical. Well because I still have Christmas musical. But if God really wanted me to get this part. Then I'm sure he has a plan for me.

I have been feeling a bit under the weather. I just want to be alone. My head is aching crazy. But I'll be going to bed soon. I'm planning to go to the hair salon with a friend to check out the pricing for a hair cut. I just want to layer my hair, but not trim the length. Heehee.
Well. That's all for tonight. I need to go to sleep.

Well. Message from the sunset :

Please tell me something I don't know.
Tell me straight that you don't like me and will never like me.
I need stop this feeling and just look away.

Forlorn

2009-10-27T20:55:00.004+08:00

Like the desert, it's filled with nothingness. Draught and silence. Like everything else in my life. I never expected to receive so much blessings but yet be feeling empty. I do take note of my daily blessings and thank God for it. But I see the sad and depressing side of my life. It's dull and sorrowful. Sound so emo. But that's how it seems to be.

My life is crashing down. So many negative vibe I tend to generate. But that's just it. I don't understand why I seem to be so annoyed and moody. I don't know whether I'm pissed or just tired.

School ends in 3 days time. I don't know how come this feeling is still lingering. I just wished I had a wish that will come true. Honestly. I hoped it'd be you. Whether it was worth it or not. Time would tell. But as we know. Everything seems to be detouring away from my lane.

As another part of my life. It's redundant. I have been blogging about it day after day that I'm losing that spice that makes me inspired to blog about it. So torn within my own life I'm forgetting who I am. Some kind of irony. I'm so conceited about how I want my life to be a little bit more perfect but I am losing me.... [ I don't know whether I said it right. ]

Anyway, time is flying by. I'm still invisible. I'm still running away from everything. I want to do my cliche method of talking to my crush. For those who knew. I'd write a letter. I'm some how good at written words than saying them. But obviously this is not elem any more. I'm in high school. Everything is said directly. Or so.

Somehow I wish I knew what he thought of me. Or maybe not.
Or he knew how I felt???
Whatever. He probably like some hot chick right.

Dream. Dream. Dream.

2009-10-27T20:26:00.002+08:00

I have been seeing a lot disappointments from friends. Some go to the extreme and say they're hopeless. But I think they should stop looking at the obvious and start looking for the great things in them.

I never stopped wanting to be a journalist. I still have that burning desire to do it. Although my stream doesn't offer the course to do journalism I have never failed to think what I should do in order to actually achieve that.

I really think they rely on themselves too much and forgets God's grace. No matter which God they believe in. Sometimes it's hard to tell people this. But it's true.

Dear Blog #31

2009-10-26T22:25:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog

I can't believe it's been a month since I have started this segment in my blog. Quite an interesting ride so far.

Well. I have good news and bad news. The good news is: I passed all my subjects. The bad news: They aren't so good. 3 As and 3Cs. Nothing to scream about. But I'm proud of myself for at least passing all. But I cannot take all the credit to myself. Cos it truly is God's work. Whether it was a reward or just an answered prayer, I am truly thankful to God.

A few of my classmates are pretty disappointed with their results. I wouldn't say mine was excellent. Pretty much average. But why I am not disappointed because I know that God has made His way for me. No doubt, can I not be thankful. Obviously those who don't' believe or don't know in/about this preaching about committing and trusting God in all that we do won't get why I am just singing and dancing. In my head right now the song I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever by Sonicflood. It's a really nice Christian gospel. Specially the bridge.

" Oh I feel like dancing.
This foolishness, unknown.
But when the world has seen the light.
They will dance with joy.
Like we're dancing now."

Well. Life isn't always about good results. It's about how you got them. Even if you didn't get distinctions. As long as you're a good human being. There's nothing wrong with getting average marks. Honestly!

I was planning on writing a personalised letter to all my classmate thanking them for a good year and how they have matured a lot. It's not obvious if I'd compare them from the day before and the day after. But looking back to when we were freshmen, it's obvious that they have matured. Despite the fact that they still do insult and disturb people. You can clearly see that intentions are innocent. Well. I was just planning. Unsure if I want to do it. Still unsure if they're worth it.

I had to stay back after school because of some workshop for the cast of SHINE. It was fun! I wet with XinYi and Ayu for lunch at Rivervale Mall. Then went walking at Daiso. Took a couple of pics on my phone. But I lost my USB cable so I'll need to use the SD card reader thingy.
Went back to school on my own.

Met MeiHui, HuiFeng, MingEn and David at the library. Actually my intentions for my visit at the library was just to tell Madam Hanifah about my Malay exam result. She's the best librarian I tell you! Went with them to the dance room. Saw Marshal there. LOL. He was so early.

Anyway my Monday and Friday afternoons are burnt in school every week starting today.
3.30 pm - 5.30 pm I'd probably go straight for cell if I don't find time to go home after every workshop.

Well. That's all for tonight.

Message from the Sunset :
I'll keep far away. I wish I could talk to you. But I know it's not like before. Our friendship only goes till MSN. We don't really talk anymore.

Destined to Nothingness

2009-10-26T21:58:00.003+08:00

I've tried and tried again. Prayed and prayed again. But my life seems to be pretty screwed up! I wonder to myself how come God has answered my prayers for my exams and audition and all these. But why not the prayers for my life. It's been full of sadness and disappointments from both myself and people around me.

Sadness - Well. Isn't it obvious. My posts and MSN Persnal Messages. Pure desperation. And it is completely pathetic.

Dissappointmens - Well. My dad! Always dissappointed in my results. Never proud of me joining church choir or things like that. It's sad to know that. But it's the truth. Sometime I question myself whether what I do as a hobby which I aspire to to be my proffession are good enough to make him proud of me. But I guess.... It's not.

Prep Talk

2009-10-26T18:42:00.002+08:00

We got our results today. All I have been doing lately is giving my friends some prep talk. It's hard to try encourage someone who is feeling down. But my prayer is to just have wisdom to actually be able to lift their spirits up. It honestly is very depressing to actually see such results and the fear of getting some scolding and be put down by family. I myself ain't doing well in my life. My dad is always putting me down. I feel so dishearten by it...Classmates sometimes insult me or stuff... Also very beaten down. Although I may seem like a total hypocrite to actually give prep talk. Nonetheless, don't I know how it feels, but I also know how to sort of lose the feeling. Although I don't. Anyways. Life is complicated.

Oh! Thanks to those who probably randomly voted on my poll....[Sarcastic]

God's Amazing Grace

2009-10-26T18:17:00.003+08:00

I just would like to thank a few people right now!

Mom for being so encouraging. I am lucky to have a supportive and contented mother like you!
Church friends/Cell friends, for praying for me! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
And Last But Not LEAST!
GOD!

I honestly know that He has guided me. Commiting everything to Him is seriously a great feeling. And as I have said. That's why I don't stress. God is truly great. Which ever God you believe in....

Anyway. Here are the percentages of my results

English - 80%
Maths - 63%
Science- 67%
Elements of Business Skills- 77.5%
Mother Tongue[Malay] - 60%
Computer Application - 91%

Dear Blog # 30

2009-10-25T21:18:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I had an exhausting day today. Went with the following CBC members to the following places

Peeps: Uncle Mark, Aunty Sherry, Keat Hwee, Jocelyn, Tracy, Joseph, Jen, Ken, AiEn, Sel.

Places: Changi Business Park, Pasir Ris Street 51.

The sun shone happily on us! And we were tolerating the heat. We left the church about 12 pm. And got to the Business Park first. Shot two scenes there and we went back to church then met Aunty Mary at Pasir Ris. We finished around 2:45 pm if I'm not wrong. It was fun the whole time. We disperse from there. Tracy sent me back home. Cos I was on her way also. So she gave me a ride. Thanks Tracy! Reached home around 3 pm. Blogged around 3.30 pm.... Then went out to Hougang Point to get my picture taken for my IC. I honestly feel it's nice cos I look rather flawless. Heehee.

My life: Isn't going so well. My dad and I continuously come with cold shoulder half the time in every conversation. It's so tiring to even deal with these things. Got into an argument with him about my shoes. I really don't care what people think about my shoes. I'm comfortable wearing the worn out school shoes. You know why I don't complain?! Well kids in other country don't have anything to wear. It's just 5 days of school. I can bear with it. I don't need to wear decent shoes right now. I'm cool with my shoes. I'd rather be comfortable than trying to uphold my surname! Cos no one really cares! Hello! I'm not famous! So are you! So status wise... It doesn't matter.

Personal: Stagnant.

Alright! I'm ending this post for tonight with a regular message:

Trust is still on thin ice in my opinion. You might not know it. But anyways.yeah!

Take My Heart - Soko

2009-10-25T20:13:00.003+08:00

Everytime I drop by Sel's blog I enjoy listening to the song she put up. It's so sweet and cute. Tried playing it on the guitar. Just need to hear the full song. But really nice it's like Zee Avi's song. Which also rocks in a calm happy and cheery way ! :)

IC Pic

2009-10-25T20:07:00.002+08:00

Whee! I went to go and get my IC picture. And I look rather flawless I'd say. So yeah! Although my eyes looked rather tired. :)

Filming

2009-10-25T15:27:00.003+08:00

Hello! Well I just reached home 30 minutes ago from Pasir Ris Street 51. Well, went with a few church members to do the filming for Scene 6. It was fun in the process, but tiring. We went in 3 cars haha. We went to Changi Business Park to do Baberella and Errol Gan Scene and Pasir Ris to do Aunty and Student Scene. Haha. The Pasir Ris scene took quite sometime cos there were people staring at us and bus and car noises... -.-

Anyway. It was great. Although the Sun was shining on us....

Dear Blog #29

2009-10-24T21:27:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog

My day started fine. Cleared my table a little. So I'm working on my table instead of my floor. Whee! Messed around with my abandoned camera. So I kind of spoilt it last time. When I switched it on just now and the thing was clear, but just to see if it official is un-spoilt I switched it off and on again. So, I found out that I have to switch it on and off several times before I get a clear screen. Although it totally eats up the battery, I guess it's worth it... Unless I get a new camera. Heehee.

Went to church early again. Learned my solo. Honestly, singing is harder than you think it is. Basically, going in tune and hitting that pitch with your diaphragm is not easy. I put my hats to choir members and those professional opera singers. My tummy is aching like crazy still. And it's been 4 hours already. I still have some stuff to do for tomorrow's filming. Pretty busy for the whole day.

Oh! My bitching session on my daily post! Here it is.
My dad seriously don't get it. My room is so small to fit my stuff in. And I am a very private person. I like my room to be my only solitude. I hate it when my grandma [his mom] comes to stay over. I like my room being the only place I can play guitar till midnight. I love my bed. And I hate it when I always have to compromise. What's wrong with his office-come-guest room? My room is seriously cramped. I usually hate when I'm tired and when I need my comfort and privacy. I'm a teenager for goodness sake! I don't compromise. Teen angst are the worse thing right now. But can't anyone bare with it. I'm sure they have gone through it. Also, being very involved in church sort of requires my weekends a lot. I came home around 8.30 pm. Cos I went to Tampines Mall to get something from Popular. Then tomorrow filming after church. He gets concerned and stuff and then talks about how I should be hoping to get excellent grades. I seriously cannot stand anymore conversations on how my results should be excellent. You know what they should be doing. They should be encouraging me. But instead they say " You're going to fail at the rate your going. It would be a miracle if you even get 70...." THIS ALWAYS SICKENS ME! I'm not smart. Deal with it. Accept it.

Personal is not moving anywhere. So yeah. Bored bored bored. Anyway. It's late. I need to get some sleep.

Dear Blog # 28

2009-10-23T23:42:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

Hello! So I'm back from cell group. Daddy picked me up. So, I'm home early. Today's lesson was really interesting and very relevant.

You know how sometimes people get so stressed out. The one and only reason would be; they don't have anyone to commit it to. I mean I have never really gotten stressed out at all. Maybe minor panicking, but other than that, I never am stressed. Not my exams or anything. History of my exams in Secondary school. I always have done well enough for most of my subjects in Sec 1 and 2. But be surprised. I never studied. It all comes to one thing. That is clearly God's guidance. I have this routine to always pray before a paper or even before the whole exam week. I always commit this 'stressful' period to God. So how was this relevant. Well, because today's lesson was about our confidence. Confidence spiritually and physically. Interesting topic I must say.

I had no school again today. Slacked at home. Played guitar, surfed the net and watch TV. Daddy sent me to Auntie Hilda's place [ Tampines] cos they were picking her up and I had cell at AiEn's. Slacked at my cousins' place for a while then left around 7.30 pm. Reached there around 7.45 pm. Cell started. Then finished around 10.40 pm. Daddy picked me up as I have said. So yeah!

CCA mate called to inform me that she needs her dress for CCA photo shoot. Firstly. My weekends are packed. Secondly the shop has moved from what I know. The shopkeeper told me so long time ago. I have no time to actually go to town area to go searching for the shop again. It's kind of frustrating to run this kind of errands at such last minute. I always plan my weekends at least a few day. If I do take last minute errands, it won't be something handful. But to search for the shop to rent the dress out, it's too much for me to actually do.

Oh! To end my post, a message from the sunset : You were my prayer request. Just know I'll continuously care for you as friend. Whatever I may feel for you, your still my friend.

Alright. Signing out!

Thank God! Thank God!

2009-10-23T16:44:00.003+08:00

I'll let the image speak for itself. Seriously thank God. I'm pretty happy. But you know there is one un-answered prayer which I'll continue praying for. So this is it for now. ;)

Dear Blog #27

2009-10-22T21:29:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

I had no school today. So yay! Woke around 8.30 pm. Cleaned my room a little. It's still in a mess. It's seriously impossible to clean my room. Had some nagging from parents again. -.-
Went for lunch at my aunt's place. My cute chubby cousin had stomach flu. Boo! So sad. :(
Then went to Compass Point cos daddy wanted go for a haircut. I wanted to also, but got into heated argument with my parents again about how I want my hair to just be layered but have the same base length. Argh!

Personal life is as usual. Pathetic, dismal and just plain heartache. Well prayers for him as he's going off for some camp tomorrow till the end of the weekend.

Oh! Tomorrow another empty day except at night cos there's cell :) Cos I got no school. Bleahs.
Then a busy weekend of course. Choir. I have to do the box for the mic cos I know how to :) Then Sunday we'll be doing the filming. So yeah.

Message for the night:

Honestly. May God bless you in your camp. I'm being clear here.

Hope you have a safe trip.And that you don't get sick. So yeah.

Distance

2009-10-22T20:57:00.003+08:00

Songs reminds me of you. They're my favourites. But I hate them. Cos they only bring me to tears. My solitude is filled with memories of you. I only hope that the further the distance I keep from you, the more I will forget you. So far. I'm failing. Cos the further I go, the more I yearn.
I am sounding pathetic at all my posts. But this is just what I can wright.

I'll sit and stare far away. I won't come near.

I'll move away. Cos it'll hurt when you're here.

Light In The Night Away

2009-10-22T20:53:00.002+08:00

As you go away. I just pray for you all the way.
May God be with you to keep you strong.
And may He keep you safe and protect you.

Inspirational

2009-10-22T17:38:00.004+08:00

Right now my biggest celeb inspiration is Khloe Kardashians. Firstly. She kind of represent women/teen girls who are not skinny/slim. More like normal people size. You know what I mean??? I was watching Keeping Up with The Kardashians a few days back where she had to do a photoshoot for PETA. She is tall and a full figured. But not fat. Many people critisize her which is really sad. But this is just to show how people really think of slim. Her sisters Kim and Kourtney K are super supportive of her and always tells her that she isn't fat. Honestly! She isn't. She is generally big built. She is 5'8 for crying out loud!

Anyways, why I posted about this, because I get my dad telling me to go to the gym cos I'm overweight! It's not like I'm any junk food! Serious. I'm cutting down my meals, I skip meals. What else is there? What does he expect from me? Starve myself whole day? If he wants, that's fine. I might as well die right!

Life isn't About that...

2009-10-22T10:57:00.002+08:00

I find that everyone expects life to base on wealth and status. I don't whether my parents get the fact that life is short. We may go the next minute no matter how old we are. But I just want to make sure my life was led based on what contented me. Excellent results don't really content me. They just take up my time trying prove to people I do pay attention in class. What really content me is the things that life has to offer. Like oppurtunities that showcases something that I like doing e.g Singing, acting.... You know. I hate it when my parents compare me to their smart-ass nephews and nieces. I am not them, I am who I am, and I'll never change for anyone. Cos it's my story I'm living.

Dear Blog # 26

2009-10-21T22:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I had a rather okay day. Morning had fun at inter-house and then recess then graffiti workshop. We went to the 411 classroom. The place was rather dusty. I was having some bad reaction to that. Kept sneezing and had puffy eyes. The fumes from the spray didn't really btoher me. Dear HuiTing rather caring. But I do believe if we were meant to go, we'll go.

Perosonal life on the other hand seems uncertain. Friends? Don't know. Shady shady shady.
A blessing from heaven came down upon me when my screen showed someone talking to me. I missed those times alright. Don't what he mean by in his PM or blog post. Everyone seems to be random nowadays... Or just a few. I honestly feel something out of place. If there's anything anyone has to tell me, just tell me please. I hate this going round thing. MSN, email, SMS. Just contact me. Tell me straight.

Okay. That's all for tonight. Ending today with a short message : I love you. But I don't want to. This feeling is killing me. I know you're probably with someone else. But just tell me straight that I ain't got a chance. Please!

Miracles

2009-10-21T21:55:00.002+08:00

Whether it is a miracle, a sign or God pittying me. It's a moment I'll cherish. I know this will not continue. But every chance to talk to you is a heaven's blessing alright! Miracles or answered prayer may it be. I will not forget about it. Right here I'll be thinking of you.

I know. Sound rather pathetic. But whatever!

No Destiny

2009-10-21T21:11:00.004+08:00

This is going no where. I am seriously tired of this round about. Why am I killing myself slowly?Empty conversations. Friendless friendship. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.

I miss those times.... Love is never easy. No one said it was. I wish it was though. But I'll continue to be strong outside. Maybe I'm self destructing. But you know there will be a time where miracles do come alive. I'm hoping for any miracle right now.

Fall For You

2009-10-21T20:44:00.003+08:00

The song by Secondhand Serenade never really meant anything till today. I was searching for chords to play on my guitar and I started to learn a simple version of this song. That's when the song hit me. True meaning of the song was about the ups and downs of their relationship, but how he still fell in love with her with that buring fire of desire all over again. And that she is the one and only. How romantic... Modern day Romeo and Juliet I tell ya!

The best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Oh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Starve to Fit In

2009-10-21T19:05:00.002+08:00

I remember once upon a time I told myself I'd never starve myself just to lose weight. But now, I feel like I have lost that person in me. I remember I use to tell myself that "You love yourself to much to hurt yourself..." But where has that gone. I try and not eat my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I can tell this is not about me anymore. More like how people always I am fat or 6 meals. Now, at least if they say that, I know I can tell them that I eat lesser than they do. I'm still in the process of getting to my ideal weight. May it be to impress or to just fit in. I hope I do make it through and be happy with myself.

Near But Far

2009-10-21T18:16:00.002+08:00

We maybe just steps away. But it seems like we are strangers.
I don't know whether I regret saying or not. I keep on jumping back into this question.
If only I could take all the things I've said. Oh! Shitt!

Why issit always too early to confess my feelings. This is just so screwed up!
When I confess them, I live with the awkwardness till ..........
Nothing is ever moving forward. Always stuck after that big leap of faith.
When will anything ever continue...

Daisies In The Dessert

2009-10-21T07:58:00.003+08:00

I don't know how to deal with everydays right now. I just don't want to be disturbed right now. If I could get away to somewhere I can find solitary, I'd choose a dessert. Maybe paradise won't really help me. I'd be too distracted by the luxure. Something that would help really find peace in my heart. Oh wells! I got to go. Hee hee.

Dear Blog #25

2009-10-20T21:48:00.005+08:00

Dear Blog

I had a rather fun rough day. Okay! That sounded off a little. We continued with the graffiti workshop which led us to happily vandalising our classroom walls with the supervision of teachers. Haha. I had to make it sound that way! We had some horrible fire drill. The heat was burning the tips of our heads. Lasted for around 15 minutes under the very happy sky. But I didn't complain that much I think cos I had to tolerate it. Teachers are just doing their job to educate us. Educate us on how to evacuate the building in situation where there is fire.

On the other hand of life, it isn't going so well. Parents are seriously getting on my nerves! I can't stand them. It's good enough I'm not like other teenagers spending their money away shopping and going out with friends. I stay home and just play my guitar. Must they always bug me?! They have work. Go do it! Instead of asking me to get the parcel. And then bitch about how I am selfish and stuck in my room never coming out. Don't they ever stop and think "Oh! I think as long as she doesn't get a very bad result it's good enough." But NO! I have to do well. What the hell is wrong people nowadays. Why aren't they contented with what they get? I know I am.

Other side of my life, I finally managed to talk to him. I guess I have to take his word that it was a meaningless question to ask your friend if someone is good looking out of the blue. The fire in my heart hasn't burnt out yet. But tears in my eyes are about to shed.

I feel insecure about everything. I feel so compared to everyone who are better than me. I feel that I'm not good enough for anyone. Not even my own parents. Cos they want a daughter who brings back excellent academic results and are very clever. Blah! Blah! Blah!

Anyway before I keep on bitching and whining... I'll end this post with a shout out to my best friend/big sis![She isn't really my sis.]

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY DEAREST XINYI BESTIE JIE!

Picture to Burn

2009-10-20T20:53:00.002+08:00

I wish you were like picture I could burn. Cos this feeling ain't going anywhere which hurts a lot. If only things were simpler, maybe this wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe this agony won't last. But life is complicated. It is never easy. If only it was easier to get rid of this feeling, which never is.

Stripped

2009-10-20T19:41:00.003+08:00

I feel very ugly as I enter the shower. I am usually very comfortable in my toilet. I feel I'm super ugly. I think to myself, how come other people who are pretty much the same as me are more likable than I am. I feel so insecure. I feel so judged. I feel such a hypocrite. Why can't anyone really see me for me. I wish my life was a little less complicated. And a little more perfect. I wish I didn't need to go through identity crisis. I wish I didn't need to go through heart breaks. Sometimes, I wish everyone would understand.

There's more to me than just this blogger who feels insecure and stuff. I am continuously compared to my classmates, to my relatives and to other people about my academic results. And my parents always expect me to get A. Why does it always matter? Why does our grades determine who we are? Why can't people judge us on who we truly are?

I find myself in tears lying in my bedroom floor just pondering about how life sucks a lot and everyone seems to be in better state than I am. May it be financial, social or academic. I find it unfair. I find myslef in tears wondering why am I not perfect enough for anyone to truly love. How come the beauty without the heart gets someone who loves them... And the not so beautiful on the outside who has a genuine good heart grow old and lonely?

Missing Pieces

2009-10-20T17:45:00.002+08:00

Why do I have this feeling that I'm missing something. It is this itch that you know something is out of place. I feel like I people aren't coming clean anymore. Or they aren't telling me everything. I have this really odd feeling that I'm in between something. Honestly!
Could whatever this is show their face.....?

I have this awkward feeling. It's obvious somehow. But I'm unsure of it. Did I trust the right people? Did I get this choice right? Or did I say something to the wrong person.

I'm not trying to point out anyone... Just a feeling....That's all.

Take It All Back Now

2009-10-20T16:29:00.002+08:00

Okay. So I finally had a chance to talk to him. Get things straight. Okay. I take back what I have said about you avoiding me, and that you are not like all guys. Sorry I guess.
Oh wells. I'm busy.

But still pondering about something. No one is so random to ask that kind of question okay!

I'd Lie/ Should've Said No

2009-10-20T14:12:00.005+08:00

I have not spoken a word. You act weird around me. I can tell. It's obvious. Why don't you just tell me straight that you have prob with me. You don't hurt my feeling like that. I wonder if you know how it feels to be ignored. I mean I know that you know that I.... And I though that we'd still be friends. I guess I shouldn't have told you. I should've said no to this feeling.
I 'd lie if I said that I don't like you. But I guess I was way too honest that now, you're avoidong me.

Oh well. All guys like you are pretty much the same. You only look for the hotties.....

Dear Blog # 24

2009-10-19T22:27:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

My day started out rather late. I woke up at around 9.30 am. I had no school. I was also having a rather mild soar throat. But strepsils calmed it down. I facebooked, guitared and rehearsed my lines. So I'm pretty much done with my scene 1. Now I'm trying to memorise my fat chunk of line in scene 7.

I didn't manage to ask him whether he's friend knows about....

I'm occuping myself so that I don't think of him............. And I am not doing a good job....

Ok! Before I call it the night! I'd like to wish my bro HAPPY 15th Birthday Adrian[Titing] Love ya much Bitch! God bless. Have a great 15th year. I'm catching up!

Invisible

2009-10-19T15:08:00.003+08:00

I was just listening to a song that really captured my attention.

As all girls go through this, whether they are geeks, preps, bimbos, chicks etc. We all go through it in high school.

So, if you have been reading my blog, I have a crush on someone. I know he like someone else. When I listened to this song, I could really connect with it. We notice almsot everything about the person we like. We see their impefections, their perfections and the things that they feel happy about.

I realsie that we are always invisible to them. They see us as a classmate, friend etc. But they don't see us as person. I know for a fact that I am different as a friend and as a person. You know how it is when we get a chance to be with someone we really longed for, we cherish them. I do feel invisble around him. He doesn't notice me. He just sees through me. Cos to him, I probably just a friend

Dear Blog # 23

2009-10-18T23:31:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

How have I been?
I have been busy with life. I am so caught up in church activities which keeps me from stressing on a main topic. I haven't had a chance to talk to ______ . I went to church with mom today. We reach slightly late, cos mom wasn't ready yet. But not too late for the greetings. I've found myself cracking out of my shell. Time will tell when I'm comfortable enough.

Okay, as I have posted in a previous post today, I am going to be doing a solo before my scene. It's not biggy. Cos it's just a stanza. I still need to prepare the microphone thingy for the filming. And so far memorising my script isn't so bad. I am pretty much done with my scene 1 and now I'm trying to memorise the long chunk of lines in scene 2. Also, I've been listening to the tracks for the choir.

I currently have a soar throat. I don't sound too bad. But my throat is seriously in pain. Tomorrow I have no school. I can sleep in. Whee! Whoa! I feel so tired now. I calling it the night.
Lights out! :)

Random Post

2009-10-18T17:45:00.003+08:00

I don't know whether the world has just fallen asleep, cos no one seems to be home. I go to frieds blogs, no one updates, I go on my MSN, very few people online, I go on facebook, not many friends I want to talk to is online. Where is everyone???

I feel so bored. Probably a sign for me to go and memorise my lines... Bleahs! ~~~

Tomorrow is Public Holiday. I'm clearly not going anywhere.... Sigh... I should continue to attempt to write a song... I said attempt cos whenever I get a jingle started I forget it....
What an idiot!

Back From Lunch

2009-10-18T15:59:00.002+08:00

Hello! I'm back from lunch I didn't want to go to. It was not as bad cos there wasn't so many people. I didn't have time to blog when I came back from church haha.

So, I had a better time at church. I am not so shy anymore. But still I am. Haha. Funny thing happened; Jen spinned Zady/Zadi[ I have no idea how to spell her name], this toddler at church. When he put her down she was all giddy and walked like a drunk kid. Haha. So cute. Didn't have rehearsal for scene 6 cos a lot didn't attend church.

Aunty Sherry approached me and told me I'll be doing a solo for a stanza. Eh, quite excited, yet nervous. Still trying to figure out how to be natural when I play my character. Haha. But so far, I'm doing okay at getting the gist of my lines.

Dear Blog #22

2009-10-17T22:24:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

It's Deepavali. Nothing interesting this year. Went to temple then home. Had lunch and went for choir. But I went earlier to rehearse my lines with my co-actor. I totally sucked... Shy shy shy. I'm still getting use to acting my character. Haha. But at least I am only in two scenes.

Had choir. Learned another song. Quite bad. I had a rather soar throat. Took a lot of Strepsils and drank a lot of water. Mom and dad picked me up. Went home. Had yogurt for dinner. That's on a daily basis. I am pretty much starving myself. But I am so close to going under my personal Red-Alert weight. I found an aim to keep me motivated. I feel so drained, depressed and happy. Whoa! That's a contradicting feeling... LOL. But seriously. I feel that way. Anyway. That's all for tonight. I feel so sian to even continue bitching and ranting about how angry, frustrated, depressed I am right now...

Happy Deepavali/Diwali

Goodnight folks! Hope you guys don't have bad dreams...........................................

A Little Listening

2009-10-17T21:57:00.003+08:00

I am pissed with my parents secretly... Whatever that meant.

Firstly, I hate the fact that they make me feel like such a hypocrite by saying I'm half Indian. Cos I'm not! I am full blooded Filipino. I am truly proud of it.

Secondly, I hate the fact that you always bring me to retarded parties that I end up just hanging with your friends and be a total leech to you and mommy. It's frustrating. I have better things to do. I am caught with my life. I can't always be at parties I don't want to go. Cos I don't make any friends. I shy out, I know. But you can't blame me for being shy. That's just me.

Thirdly, the fact that you people put your events before mine. Is totally shit! Mine has been planned a week ago. Don't try and tell me that your festival is more important. I don't need you people steering my life. It's not like I'm doing bad things on my own.

I hate sulking and feeling frustrated with you people still listening to yourselves. I feel like shouting out what I have been feeling. It's just that you people don't see this the way I do. I find my life a total mess. I miss my old surname. I hate being called half-Filipino-half-Indian. I hate the fact that you people drag me to shit gatherings that I don't even want to go to and when I have other things planned in advance. Doesn't mean you feed me or clothed me, I'll have to compromise and always go your way. I want to go my way without you making me feel bad.

Finally I have associated with church members I've seen around but never talked to. And all you do is drag me to some one time lunch. I'm not going to make friends with them. I'm not like them. I am good enough going to temple on this occasion when I don't need to. Cos I'm not Hindu. I don't want to practise Hinduism, cos I'm perfectly fine being a Christian.

Could you people hear me out sometimes. Stop waiting for me to tell you. Try and think about it and realise it. It's not fine. It was never fine. The minute I changed my surname it never was fine. But I accepted it. But I can't accept to be known as a certain race when I'm not. Then what's the point of having a race when you're indirectly lying about it.

I AM FILIPINO! I AM NOT HALF INDIAN! I AM NOT INDIAN!

Just LISTEN for once. Stop talking.

Busy

2009-10-17T19:19:00.002+08:00

I just came back from choir practise. I am seriously so drained. My throat is kinda hurting right now. And I have realised that I'm very shy!!! But I'm fighting this!!!!!
So went to church early to rehearse my line with Aziel. I still can't remember all of it... But I am trying... My biggest challenge is to find my character in myself and just get the gist of my lines and improvise...

OH WELLS!!!
I got to go eat dinner now...

YOGURT YUM!

The Past Is In The Past

2009-10-17T13:41:00.002+08:00

Happy Deepavali/Diwali to all moi Hindu friends!

The family went to Ceylon Road Temple which is in Katong for prayers. You see... My dad is hindu. My mom and I are both Christian. But we respect both religions. So that's why.. If your asking why I went to temple if I'm not hindu... After the temple we took a drive to Joo Chiat Place. We drove down the lane of terrace houses. I miss the place a lot! We drove past our old house... The memories...

I can't believe it's been 8 years. Going pass Eunos and Telok Kurau and Katong made me remember how I was back then. I was super active... I had place to run. Now living for 8 years in this flat has made me very reserved to myself even more. I was already shy back then... But now... I'm even more.

Dear Blog #21

2009-10-17T00:21:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I'm back from Cell. We watched Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events. Really funny and interesting. Talked a little. And left with Keat Hwee to Tampines Interchange. Fell asleep in the bus. As usual I'd wake up in between. Haha.

So my day started as usual. Except, I never had breakfast and recess. Boo! Hey but I lost weight! Whee! We are currently having post-exam activities. We had some Graffiti Workshop which will last for two more days. I always knew graffiti was hard. But I didn't know it took these group of artist to do it under an hour. Super awesome. But I'll stick to writing, blogging, guitaring and singing.

On a personal level. I heard something that I have been pondering through out the whole day. I need to know the facts. I hope I get a chance to ask you about it though.

Alright. That's all. The End of My Friday :)

Message

2009-10-16T15:57:00.004+08:00

TeLl mE tHe TrUtH. wAs WhAt YoUr 'FrIeNd' sAiD tRuE?

tElL Me sTrAiGhT. sO i KnOw I wOn'T gIvE mYsElF aNy FaLsE HoPe...

I'Ll TaKe YoUr wOrD fOr It...

HoPe yOur 'FrIeNd' dOesN't knOw.

Rant #1

2009-10-15T22:23:00.004+08:00

I feel so utterly bitchy right now. I feel like I want to walk by Changi Beach or Marina Bay. I just need something to help me get you out. Hopefully my dad allows me to go for next Friday's Cell Group Retreat at Sentosa.

I want someone to talk to. I want to talk to you. But I don't want to seem like I'm stalking you. I just enjoy every irritating contradicting thing you say. All the random things we argue about. All the vulgarities you type out that makes me feel like strangling you. All those feeling seem so far away now. I miss those days. If I take a look at the calentder now, it doesn't seem that long ago. But it feels like months.

Not a minute do I not think of you as I look at you from far. I'm just admiring you. Not stalking alright!!! Be honest! Do you ever think you'd ever like me...?

Dear Blog #20

2009-10-15T21:27:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

I cannot believe this day has come finally! Exams are OVER! Whoohoo!!! If I was at a legal age, I'd go get a Martini and part all night! Haha. All the stress of exams aren't over yet. Bigger stress is the results.... Eek!

So, I've been feeling rather blue today. And yesterday... I have been blogging about today. Sometimes I wish I could change the way I look. I mean, I'm nice aren't I? Maybe if I was pretty... I'd have Romeo waiting for me. I know, I know, I sound pathetic and desperate. But it's not that. It's the fact that people have misjudge me and only see me for how I look like. That is a fat geeky cow!

I had this comment from a friend. I don't know who, cause it was an activity. I kept this paper to encourage me. There was someone who said I was pretty. Complementing. But I look at myself and I see pure ugly!

I can only be a friend, a best friend, but never a ****friend.

That's all for tonight...

[There was no vulgarity in this post. the '*' is just to cross out the word]

Drift

2009-10-15T20:34:00.003+08:00

I honestly think this is coming down to nothing. Empty conversations. I don't know where the friendship has gone. But I do feel it's not there anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have said it. I risked it. I risked it all. I finally know an example for Love is Risk.

Love is Risk. I've risked our friendship. Loving you wasn't worth all this. Cos this feeling will show to nothing.
Love is Sacrifice. I've sacrificed how I felt to let you know, but I feel like if that was bullet. It was for nothing.
Love is determination. I am still fighting this feeling. I'm still in this battle with myself. I'm still fighting myself for what my heart says and what mind knows.

Song In The Making

2009-10-15T20:25:00.004+08:00

I have spent my afternoon trying to write a song. Finally I got the words down.
I won't post it here yet. But current life status inspired me. Whee!!!
I have been practising Love Story and it's going great.

So inspiration of the song I've attempted to write is Love Story and how life of love is for me....

Euro and Pounds

2009-10-15T20:13:00.002+08:00

Daddy is back from London! OMG!!! The shoes!!! The clothes!!! The chocolates!!! These European luxure is intoxicating.... Whoo Lala!

Daddy got me two black bad-ass shoes that I'm so in love with right now. Two mini-dresses that I'm still screaming about also!!! And 12 bars of good 'ol English chocolates....

Tag Me Blog

2009-10-15T16:30:00.001+08:00

I know a lot of people view my blog. I can tell. I have a counter...
Do tag before you people leave... Even just saying "Hi!"
And use ur real name.

Facebook Past Time

2009-10-15T12:50:00.006+08:00

All I have been doing is taking Facebook quiz about Love, About my Personality and About Me.
[click on the picture for a larger view]

Love:

Personality:

About Me:

Empty

2009-10-15T12:41:00.003+08:00

There's nothing left now.
We don't talk anymore.
I can't even look at you.
It's weird. It's awkward.
Shouldn't have told you...

It's all strange and weird.
All there's left is emptiness.
We have nothing to talk about anymore.
It's not like before.
All those days have gone by.
And now, I can't even say "Hi"
It's empty. Really empty.

An Original By Joashelle Faith

Take a Break

2009-10-15T12:32:00.002+08:00

Yay! Exams are finally over. Finally. All there's left to worry is the results...
But now, I'll need to concentrate for the Christmas Musical. I haven't / couldn't memorise my lines.... Eek! I know... But at least I can remember a few lines. Heehee!

I'm back in my room. For the past two weks, I have been sleeping in my mom's room... Cos the bed is so comfy... And left my laptop in the living room... Leaving the room in total clutter. Haha.
So yeah. Back in my pad. Whee!

Different

2009-10-14T22:25:00.003+08:00

I am no diffeent from anyone else. Maybe a little. I am more human than you people who insult me.
People are people. They feel, they go through different moods etc. I don't think you people are at any authority to judge for you are not perfect yourself.
We all may seem like we are different. Maybe we are. But we have blood run through our bodies. Unless you're telling me you don't bleed.
I don't know whether it's me who is too sensitive, or whether it's you people who are too insensitive. You only care for your own kind. Whatever your own kind means.

Diffrent we are. Different we will be.

But ain't no excuse for you to mistreat me.

Dear Blog #19

2009-10-14T21:57:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog

So I had my easiest paper today. Computer Applications Theory Paper. It took me 15 minutes. Seriously. I was rather amused when I saw YunJie getting annoyed by Andy. Haha. Unlucky girl! She gets irritated very easily though...

I feel so tired. Had a nap fir 30 minutes. Haha. Oh! I lost a bit of weight! Yay! Probably the skipped dinners and yogurt that filled me. Whee! I can't believe this is my 19th post for my Dear Blog segment. That's super cool!!! Oh! Oh! Daddy's coming back from UK tomorrow. All my imported goods whee!

Anyway. I need to go. I'm watching SG Idol Result Show. It's an MJ tribute! Whoohoo!

MJ is IT!

Love is Determination

2009-10-14T17:38:00.004+08:00

When I had this feeling, it made me feel more insecure. I don't know whether that is good or bad. Cause when I'm insecure, I care about my looks. I care about my surroundings.

I was listening to the radio this morning, and Justin Bieber's song One Time really stood out to me. But the pre-chorus and chorus really made me ponder.

Your world is my world

And my fight is your fight

My breath is your breath

And your heart (I got my)

Chorus:

Your my One love

My one heart

My one life for sure

Let me tell you one time (boy I love, boy I love you)

I'm a tell you one time (boy I love, boy I love you)

And I'm a be your one girl

You'll be my #1 guy always makin time for you

I'm'a tell you one time (boy I love, boy I love you)

*Italiced words are edited

Thinking of you...

Mother Like Daughter

2009-10-14T15:56:00.002+08:00

I love conversations with my mom about how she was at my ag. Did she have a boyfriend? A crush? Did anyone have a crush on her? All thesee kind of questions.

It's somehow amazing how different my mother and I are, but we have gone through certain things that are alike. Sometimes, I don't know whether it's genetics. But it's completely coincident.

I doubt all my female peers talk to their mothers the way I do, or talk about things like these. Sometimes, I wish time would slow down for me to spend more time with my mom. Where has time gone? I'm growing out of teenhood soon and become an adult in a couple of years. That couple of years ain't that far. I mean three years passed me by just like that.

Penelope

2009-10-14T12:46:00.002+08:00

The whole story was interesting. The moral was to accept yourself for your imperfections and just love yourself for who you really are. No matter how you look like. Just accept what you are born with.

I totally want to watch it again.

Dear Blog # 18

2009-10-13T22:14:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

EBS is done and it wasn't easy. but I'm praying for good results. Two more papers. Before I throw everything away! Haha. Life has been alright. It's currently giving me some thunder storm. But I know that it's love that makes me care.

Okay. I don't want to make my daily general entry sound too emotional. Haha. Anyway. People around me are giving me super sour lemons. But I will need to face these bumps on the road cause that's life. Oh wells. I'm turning the lights out. Got to go .

I don't know why you ask me for my link.

I don't know what you read in my blog.

But you know what. Don't be afraid. Just tell me.

I'm still your friend.

Coincidence

2009-10-13T21:23:00.002+08:00

Everytime I finish singing a song thinking of you. You always pop up on my screen. I don't know whether it's coincident or something else. But if it is, I hope it's something good.

I seriously mean everytime.

Penelope

2009-10-13T21:15:00.001+08:00

I just started watching this movie which interests me a lot. It's about this cursed girl... Penelope who has snout. I am not done with the movie yet. But it looks like it's going to be an interesting fairytale.

Love Hurts

2009-10-13T16:02:00.002+08:00

Yes. I believe love hurts in the journey to find one's true Romeo or Juliet. I have realised that in ancient times, love was sacred. It was genuine. It was true. Titanic and Romeo & Juliet are the few examples of true love. Specially Titanic. That was a true story.

I answered your question whether love hurts. But it's beyond rejection. Love hurts in various ways. Sometimes we are just not good enough. I never gave you a reason why it hurts. But here it is.

Love hurts because :

You love someone with your heart and only wish you were with him/her. But maybe him/her is with someone else or loves someone else or you're not good enough.

But know that if I do have a chance to be with you, I'll embrace every moment and I'll appreasicate and treasure you.

EBS Paper

2009-10-13T14:43:00.002+08:00

I studied for this paper! It was average. I am not confident in any paper at all. Seriously. But the paper made me giggle a little. Some question had Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen ans Jon and Kate + 8.... Quite funny....

I think I'm getting only around 60+.... shitt!!!!!!

Two more papers left....

Dear Blog #17

2009-10-12T21:31:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog

I woke up early and had a great start to my day. I had my Maths Paper 1 today. I don't want to say whether it was easy or not. Anyway, tomorrow is my EBS paper. I'm scared as hell. But as I usually do, I pray for God's guidance. There's no other way than God's way :)

I paid $10 for a $1.40 EBS practise exam papers. And I never got my changed yet! I am really pissed by those who were so irresponsible. I missed the Duolos ship book thingy because I didn't have enough money.

Anyway, I want to stop bitching now. Oh! To ________, I love you. But I'll get over it.

Love Is

2009-10-12T20:50:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i just wonder if all of us have that special someone. Are we made perfect for another person? And if so, why do we go through the pain of crushes and rejections? I find it annoying to know that there a people who are made for us, but yet we get hurt because of this four letter word.

It's unfair!

Am I just making a statement or am I trying to point out something? At the rate I'm going, I feel like I am being very pathetic wanting him to like me. OK! So. I am. I am pathetic. I mean, so far this year I have crushed on two guys I think... One of them.... I've forgotten! Well... He is such an obnoxious ass! But this time, this guy would probably be hard. He is truly sweet, funny, clueless, quite cute... And has really good heart. He knows how to feel...

Anyway, my current quote is : Will the train ever come?
Well, the train is him and he ain't coming... Girls who look like me, don't get good looking guys like him unless he's utterly blind or he sees a person for who they are.

Well. Love is Risk. Love is Sacrifice. Love is Determination.